my "alfcove"

Roses

2010-05-31T10:42:00.000-07:00

I am a rose bush.
Capable of beautiful plentiful "fruit".
But to be healthy, to produce any thing of worth, to even stay alive, I have to be pruned.
And I don't like that.
Oh, I act like I am ok with it. I offer up all the dead branches on the surface.
But when the gardener goes digging, pushing aside the outside branches, and reaching down to the center...
first I try to hide, covering one branch with another, using leaves to cover withered fruit, dried out branches, disease. It doesn't work for long of course. The gardener knows where to look.
When he digs, I get uncomfortable. I try to protect myself. I lash out. My thorns defend me from the disturbance, the discomfort of being moved, shaped, having the dead cut away.
I think I am protecting myself from harm, pain.
Over time the threat of discomfort comes less frequently, as I wither away, colorless and empty.

He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful...Remain in me and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine.
John 15

I attempted to dead head my neglected rose bush today. It was a slow, painful process, that will never be finished.

Mother's Day Interviews

2010-05-08T19:58:00.000-07:00

http://961olive.wordpress.com/2010/05/08/mothers-day-interviews/

Holy Week(?) Not irreverent, but certainly quirky.

2010-04-01T13:26:00.000-07:00

1 Samuel 16:7 The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

I have to remember that when my grand plans and best intentions look a little...silly.
So I documented some of my efforts to prepare for Easter this year, so that I can learn from them for next year.

This, is "Palm Sunday", if you couldn't tell.
Jesus was played by Sir Topham Hat. The road to Jerusalem is toilet paper. I don't know if Toby got the point, but he thought it was fun. We reenacted several times, until Babyzilla decided to rip up the road.

For months we occasionally threw out "are we going to host a Seder?"
The morning of, I called Scott and said, maybe we could do something, just our family. He had been thinking the same thing. Confirmation.
Maybe you have seen a sippy of Seder "wine"....

But I am pretty sure you have never seen a "Milk Bone" in place of a shank bone. I REALLY intend no disrespect. I just have to believe that God has a sense of humor, and smiles at my (feeble) efforts to understand more of Him.

Toby was given permission(not that he thinks he needs it) to go play during the parts of the reading he didn't understand. He took it upon himself to get his camera and photograph the evening (and the carpet).

We called Toby back for the "fun" and food parts...
he invented a new Seder food... "egg drop soup"...
you make it by dropping a hard boiled egg into matzo ball soup...he was pretty excited, and has requested it at multiple meals since.

Then there was Easter egg dyeing. My natural self cringes at every aspect of this process, with kids that is. Maybe someday the eggs will be pretty, and whole, and the kids won't have blue arms and pink faces, or maybe not. Either way, God definitely teaches me through it.

The grass, the spring flowers, the sunlight through the colored water. Definitely helps me to just enjoy the (messy and imperfect) experience.

Note the splashing blue water. Aimee loved sorting the eggs, dropping one or two into each cup, then removing them and starting over.

Toby was "done" pretty quickly, as always, much to my chagrin.

Aimee stayed with it for awhile, then she grabbed a handful of eggs, tucked them tightly against her body and ran, trying to escape to the van with them.

And then there was one...

This is what we will be using to tell the rest of the story over the weekend. I don't have enough properly sized people, so we will see.

Tonight Toby and I read, and acted out, the last supper and the arrest. Sir Topham Hat played Jesus again. Diesel 10 played Judas. And for some reason, a random donkey kept going on vacation to get a pizza, I think. Unsure. It might have something to do with the chocolate pudding before bedtime. But the donkey seemed to stay put when I got to the part with the swords. Funny how that works.

Second Child

2010-03-13T12:38:00.000-08:00

Last night I was trying to give Toby a "quick washdown" before bed. Aimee has recently taken up a preoccupation with the potty. Not the little kid potty. The big potty. She shes Toby use it, especially around bath time, because that is the only time he lets her even be in the bathroom at the same time as him, and she is a copycat, so she wants to use the big potty to.

So Aimee insisted on sitting on the potty last night, and I was totally annoyed, because it was past bedtime etc, but I helped her get up there then went about dealing with Tobe. And then of course Toby said he had to go, so I pulled Aimee off, kicking a screaming, and put her back when Toby was finished. It was quiet for a second (rare), Aimee looked up at me, and then I heard it....water onto water! She peed, in the big potty, despite the lack of encouragement, and even discouragement. Scott and I just looked at each other is shock, then broke into a round of applause and cheers. And she was so proud.

Poor second child. I was annoyed that she insisted on using the potty. I would never have done that to Toby. Then again, she is a year younger then Toby was when he first used the potty.

I am not getting ahead of myself though, because as soon as she had "wiped" sufficiently (6 times) and got off the potty she turned around, reached in and grabbed a handful of wet toilet paper out of the potty. And this morning, when she again insisted on using the potty ( I didn't dissuade her) she sat there, fidgeted around, eventually got off, and then pooped on the floor.

So, I guess I am going to start encouraging the potty thing, but I think we have a long way to go.

The (Officially Sanctioned) Oscar Event

2010-03-09T20:10:00.000-08:00

This post may tend toward the "shallow and self absorbed" end of the spectrum, but, what can I say...my thoughts have been consumed with Oscar preparations for the past week, and the Oscars are the showcase of Hollywood self importance.

That disclaimer out of the way, let me just say...

"Black Tie" sounds simple enough, and perhaps it is for men (my dear husband didn't even consider his "crappy shoes" until the night before), and for women who are skilled in such things, I, however, am not fashion forward (surprise!) and I have no idea, nor do I care, what is going on in Hollywood these days, so, I called in a team of professionals.

Scott and I finally decided, one week before the PWC Oscar party, that we were going to go. My mother and sisters coached me through gown decisions (it was only between two), jewelry, shoes, purses, makeup. Thank you, Mom and sisters, for those of you that continued to answer my calls and texts, and also for watching my children.

Thank you, and also, if any of you ever tell me "don't smile" again, when a camera is pointed at me, you are in trouble!

Now, go ahead, someone from high school, and recognize this dress as the prom dress I wore senior year. Yes, I still have it.

And this next picture is me asking forgiveness. Ok, Meghyn and Mom, you were right. You can't tell at all that I am wearing mascara, even though I thought it was WAY to much.

It was definitely a swanky event. This is the Hall of Mirrors.

This is me eating really good expensive food.

This is Scott, and a spoon made out of chocolate.

Taking up where my wardrobe helpers left off, my new Oscar night friend was trying to teach me how to pose for pictures.

And I am going to be kind and not post any pictures of any of the wealthy Oscar Night attendees who very unfortunately had WAY to much to drink.

It was a fun night for a good cause. I will do it again next year. Maybe next year I will need less counseling.

It's my birthday!

2010-02-15T17:14:00.001-08:00

I had all these plans in my head for my "mommy's birthday tea party". Then there was the reality of snow, and kids. But, its MY birthday, and I want to have a tea party. Who cares if "boys don't have tea parties", and toddlers just dump, grab and stand on chairs.

It was good. Toby loved pouring water tea and real tea(!).

Aimee loved dumping water and sugar, and sorting her broccoli.

So, that is how we spent our (snow covered) early afternoon. The evening portion of the birthday celebration can be viewed elsewhere.

Toby Quote

2010-01-30T20:09:00.000-08:00

Toby just informed me, "If you take off the fish head, you know, the part that the face is on, you know you're gonna have some gooooooooooood fish."

Thank you, Grandpa Bob, for taking Toby to the "aquarium" at Jungle Jim's. (It's not really an aquarium.)

Christmas Tree

2009-12-07T21:06:00.000-08:00

Someone casually asked me the other day what kind of Christmas tree I had. In the course of the conversation, it was revealed that I did not have "the standard 5 ft artificial tree", but many trees, of various descriptions. Her reply "I thought you would be that type". Hmmmm....."that type"?....what type? It honestly hadn't occurred to me that I was out of the norm (in this. I am well aware that I am not in the norm in most other things). It hadn't even crossed my mind that I had more than one tree. But when she asked, I stopped to count....and it took me a minute. So, I might as well document, and put it out there.

So, let me show you my trees, and explain...

This is my Christmas tree. I thought I had one christmas tree, this one. Went to the tree farm to cut it down, 10 1/2 feet tall, decorated with family ornaments. Obviously, this is my Christmas tree, right?

But then, last year I wanted Toby to have his own tree in his room, to be his night light approaching Christmas, like I had, when I was little. He loves it, and he can do whatever he wants to it without Mommy "fixing" it.

Now, if Toby gets his own tree, then Aimee must too. Actually, Toby insisted, because he was infuriated that Aimee kept taking the bells off of his tree. Aimee loves to pull things off of her tree, and knock it over.

This is Fred. I have had Fred for...15 years? My grandma gave him to me when he was a baby. Fred is MY tree. The official christmas tree of my alfcove. I bought him pink lights this year. Very wild of me.

This is wild too. Scott's coworker gave us an old artificial tree a last year(unsure why) but I decided to give it a try on the front porch, because I was sad that you can't see our family tree from the street this year. My first ever artificial tree over 2 feet tall.

This is also on my front porch, I hesitate to mention it though, because I am pretty sure it is totally dead. It lived on the other side of the porch over the summer, and I didn't make it there with a watering can frequently enough. Makes me sad.

I LOVE these little trees. I had several of them in past years, but couldn't find them anywhere this year. Turns out Big Lots has EVERYTHING. Aren't they sooo cute!

These are some of Fred's friends. I am almost certain that there are Norfolk Pines in the North Pole and Bethlehem.

This is an artificial tree that I had when I was little. And I love it!

And this is the Christmas giraffe. Not a tree, per se, but I felt he should be included none the less. He was a "white elephant gift" from 5 years ago. He lives in my basement. Toby insisted we bring him up. He now lives in Scott's alcove. I think the employees next door enjoy him.

So, how many trees do I have? Well, 1 family tree, 1 fake porch tree, 1 friend tree.....so....who can keep count.

I love Christmas trees.

Hypocrite

2009-12-04T20:12:00.000-08:00

I frequently wear flip flops in the snow. I avoid jackets at all costs. I hate the restriction of movement caused by layers of bulky clothing.
And yet, I do this to my children....

"I am cold, go put on a sweater!"

One of the perks of being a mom. hehe

Uncomfortable

2009-12-02T19:03:00.000-08:00

I am currently sitting in my living room "alone", practically trembling. I am uncomfortable. Not physically (though my house is not warm) but spiritually, relationally, mentally. Its not bad. Its probably good. Its just.....uncomfortable. And I am human, and American, and a (former) Goodridge. I hate discomfort, uncertainty, awkwardness.
But I love God, or at least I am trying to. And He doesn't want me to be comfortable. He wants radical love. Fruit. Hot or cold? Am I hot or cold? Do I love Him? Do I love His people? The widow and the orphan. Am I entertaining angels in disguise? Or turning them away because they make me nervous?
So, whatever the outcome, outrageous love is always the right answer. And maybe someday I will get better at it, and it won't cause me to tremble. Or maybe the trembling is right...maybe the whole point, beginning and end, is just that I get shaken up a little bit.

I like weddings

2009-09-24T19:14:00.000-07:00

I liked being a part of this one.

On my list of unrealistic dreams(redundant?)...

"wedding in a box"

9 months old

2009-04-27T18:09:00.000-07:00

And today, just like on her past 4 "birthdays", she is sick and miserable.

I take a picture of her every month on her birthday, and every picture has been totally pathetic. She is going to look at these pictures someday and think that we beat her.

Earth Day

2009-04-26T17:42:00.000-07:00

In honor of Earth Day (not really, it just worked out that way) Toby planted the first plant in our vegetable garden. I kept him in the seed aisle at Home Depot for an embarrassing amount of time, so as a reward for being good he got to pick out his very own plant. Of course he picked a red geranium, one of my least favorite colors, and one of my least favorite flowers, but geraniums are on "the list" of insect repellent plants, so, its ok. And it made him happy.
And this picture make me happy. He is so cute (sometimes).

I am going to do everything in my power to make him want to garden with me.

Put in check

2009-04-06T17:44:00.000-07:00

I went to Hobby Lobby with the kids today. We had already run a few other errands, and they had been pretty good. I debated calling it a day while things were still relatively peaceful but decided to risk it, so we headed out to make one more stop. Of course Aimee fell asleep during the 2 minute car ride from one store to the next. I again debated just heading for home, but I love Hobby Lobby, so in we went. I managed to get Aimee through the slushy rainy snow stuff and into a cart in the store still asleep. So far so good. Toby immediately located a display of little plastic trucks and he chose one to "drive" around while we shopped.

Mommys turn. We headed to an aisle of decorative ceramic bunny's. We weren't there even a minute when Toby drove a truck over one and sent it crashing to the floor. Dang! (Luckily{?} this particular figurine had obviously already been busted by someone else's kid, and there were various pieces of it all over, so, I concluded that I wasn't obligated to buy it)(right? don't know).
So, I restated the rules very clearly(DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING. NOTHING. ONLY THE TRUCK. DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING ELSE), and we moved on. 20 seconds later he was attempting to drive a decorative wheel barrel.(I should have left then). 30 seconds after that he was collecting packages of party napkins. Then it was Easter banners. When he went for the 4 foot tall decorative model lighthouse covered in seashells I picked him up and informed him that I would be carrying him until we got the heck out of there, and there would be no further discussion.

I was fired up. I was mentally trying to determine if my voice truly is inaudible to males, or if I should just give up my vain attempts at parenting and discipline, and just send the kids to military school.
Two aisles later I was carrying the 43 pound Toby in one arm and driving the cart with a sleeping Aimee with the other arm, and I was NOT giving up until I got what I had come for. By this time the whining and debating had stopped and Toby had been silent for a minute or so. I was still fully on the defensive.

Then, out of the blue, Toby announced "I am going to spit on the ground!"
What!? I was appalled! I was immediately thinking of it as some sort of deep gesture of disrespect.
I snapped back "if you do I will slap your face".
He paused. He looked confused. He thought about it. Seemingly trying to decide if it was worth it.

Then he quietly reflected "But, Mommy, Jesus did it"

Gasp. Huh? What just happened? I felt like I had been punch in the stomach.
We stopped and sat in the aisle and discussed. I apologized.
Suck! I suck.

Ugh! Why do I do this!?

2009-04-03T09:51:00.000-07:00

I bought a wagon today. If you know me, you already know the whole story.....later.

One of my most dreaded things

2009-03-23T11:10:00.000-07:00

I will consider myself a "grown up" when the dentist no long has power over me.

Its not just the fear of the pain. I consider that fear totally rational, because they DO hurt me, and who likes that!
Its my fear of them, what they will think of me. Why does an upcoming dentist appointment suddenly motivate me to find the time to floss 2x more than usual? Why do I care if a random stranger, who I am paying a good deal of money, thinks I am not flossing frequently enough. I take it personally, their judgement of my life, like I am not a good person because they can make my gums bleed. Why am I so concerned about getting yelled at by my dentist.
"Yes, I drink tea! No, I don't floss twice a day! I have a life....I have two kids...I don't have that kind of energy! What! You spend that much time and energy on your teeth! Maybe you have a problem."
Just saying....
On that note...I will be having my wisdom teeth extracted on Thursday. And I am terrified!

I must know!

2009-03-13T19:44:00.000-07:00

Ok, my world has been totally turned upside down. I had no idea that there was even room for debate on this topic. But it seems now that I might not even be in the majority.
So, I have to ask...

Do you use a top sheet?

If "no", then do you use a fitted sheet and a blanket, or...what? And, why? Do you wash the blanket every week?
Please, help me to understand. It never even occurred to me that maybe I am the weird one.

when stay at home moms get bored...

2009-03-13T19:33:00.000-07:00

weeks later, the haircut is finally starting to grow on me

i have always had a thing for boys with funky hair

(no "scott in high school" comments please)

poor princess squishy is still sick, but that doesn't slow her down for even a minute

Light at the End of the Tunnel

2009-03-10T19:50:00.000-07:00

70 degrees changes everything!

Time to garden.

10 days until spring.

I am done!

2009-02-23T18:58:00.000-08:00

I am cool with being alone with the kids the majority of the time. I am a stay at home mom. That is part of what I signed up for. It does occasionally get lonely or boring. I like having an adult around to talk to sometimes. It is nice to not have to do all of the work all of the time. But I can do just fine alone. I open jars and make sandwiches one handed. I read books while nursing. I can tickle two little people at one time.
Most of the time, no problem.

However.... I hate....I dread....I am shaken by.....having to do bedtime alone.
By the end of Tobys day he is done. Done obeying. Done sharing attention.etc
By the end of Aimees day, she is done. Done being awake. Done being stimulated
By the end of my day, I am done. IF ONE MORE PERSON SCREAMS AT ME, PULLS MY HAIR, PUTS THEIR FEET ON MY FACE....
Everyones day ends about the same time.
It takes 2 adults to do it well.

And, of course, Aimee has this sensor that goes off when there is only one parent available. She must think "oh no, it is just mommy! well, i wouldn't want her to get lonely, so, i will stay up and keep her company. of course, mommy won't understand my plan, so I WILL MAKE IT REALLY CLEAR"

I know that I am whining. I am very blessed. Some people are single parents. Some people have spouses that can't help, or just won't help.
I am very blessed that the majority of the time I get to do tag team bedtime routine. I am spoiled. I will admit it. Just please, don't make me do bedtime alone very often.

27 reasons that is is good to be 27

2009-02-14T12:27:00.000-08:00

Last year I decided to have a "midlife crisis" on my birthday. Come to think of it, I think I did the year before too. This year, I am going to try a different approach. I am going to think about all of the reasons that it is good to be the age, and the place in space, that I am.

So, reasons that I am glad that I am where I am.

1 I am not in high school

2 I am not in college

3 I have been married to my best friend for almost 6 years

4 I have two healthy, brilliant, advanced, frequently hilarious children (I will discuss how infuriating they are in another post)

5 I own a house (aka I live indoors)

6 I was able to buy a house that, I think, has character (nevermind the termites)

7 I have a yard that I can plant things in

8 My family loves each other and wants to spend time together

9 I have sisters that I am exactly like me, and nothing like me at the same time, so I can share similarities, and learn

10 I discovered Jesus

11 I discovered Jesus early, and he for some reason spared me a lot of potential pain

12 Jesus isn't done with me yet

13 I am starting to accept that Jesus isn't done with me yet

14 I am a girl, which means I get to do ridiculous things like play dress up with my infant, have tea parties, and spend hours arranging candles, flowers and pictures so that things will be pretty

15 I am not in high school

16 I don't have to deal with dating

17 My husband loves me, and talks to me

18 My husband buys me cookies

19 My husband makes me cakes

20 Hmmm...maybe this would be a good time to say that I am thankful that I still have a high metabolism

21 I have friends that are much smarter/more experienced then I am, so I can learn from them

22 I have a camera (someday I will know how to use it)

23 I can walk to kroger, the playground, the post office, the bakery.....oh yeah, and 3 or 4 dollar stores and cell phone stores

24 I have gotten to go on some cool vacations

25 I get to "go on vacation" one week/month

26 I am able to stay home with my kids

27 Other people come over and distract me/help so that I am not always home with my kids

Happy Valentines Day!

2009-02-10T16:21:00.000-08:00

This blog is a Valentines Day gift for my husband, who is unceasingly urging me to become a blogger. OK, Dear, just for you, I will give it a shot. But I must say two things first...

1: While my husband thinks he wants me to be a blogger, I think he is going to realize otherwise. If I become a "devoted" a blogger (like some people who will remain nameless), by his birthday he will be requesting I gift him a resignation, because he doesn't want to share computer time anymore.

2: Confession: There was a period of time, when I was in college, shortly after be sucked into the world of IM, when I found myself walking to class, trying to think of new, clever away messages. If blogging gets to that point. I WILL shut myself down.