Uncomfortable

I am currently sitting in my living room "alone", practically trembling. I am uncomfortable. Not physically (though my house is not warm) but spiritually, relationally, mentally. Its not bad. Its probably good. Its just.....uncomfortable. And I am human, and American, and a (former) Goodridge. I hate discomfort, uncertainty, awkwardness.
But I love God, or at least I am trying to. And He doesn't want me to be comfortable. He wants radical love. Fruit. Hot or cold? Am I hot or cold? Do I love Him? Do I love His people? The widow and the orphan. Am I entertaining angels in disguise? Or turning them away because they make me nervous?
So, whatever the outcome, outrageous love is always the right answer. And maybe someday I will get better at it, and it won't cause me to tremble. Or maybe the trembling is right...maybe the whole point, beginning and end, is just that I get shaken up a little bit.